Sometimes people ask me what do I do during the day, they say your a comedian like what do you do? You know so I thought I would just pick one day from my life in this past Summer and just talk about it, and that would be a good answer to that question. So here it is. It was really hot this past summer in New York where I live. I woke up and it was one of those really hot days. I decided I'd go to the beach, but it was too far, so I decided to go to central park instead. Besides I hadn't been to the beach since the summer the synchronized swimming team drowned. It was tragic yet beautiful. Apparently the lead got a cramp and they were pretty hard core. So I went to the park. When I got there, there were all these people lying out getting sun tans. I like sun tans, but I'm more interested in sun burns. Because a sun burn tells a story like, hey! that guy likes v-necks. When I got to the park I read a book cover to cover, it only took like two minutes because I went around the outside. I read a lot of books this summer because I'm working on a book myself. I'm excited because some authors write in first person, and others write in third person, I'm writing my book in fifth person. So every sentence starts with, I heard from this guy who told somebody. It's gonna be a long book. Very gossipy. It's about a high school marching band that stays together after they graduate. It's called Never Get Laid. I left the park, I had some errands to run. It was my friends birthday and I had to get him a card, but I was mad at him. So I put quotes around the word happy. While I was walking I came to a restaurant so I grabbed a soda. It's where I used to eat all the time, but I stopped abruptly one day because I went to use their bathroom, and I saw a sign that said "Employees must wash hands, especially Carl." I got back to my neighborhood, and there were posters everywhere, somebody must have lost a dog. There were posters with the dog's picture, name, and personality traits on them. Then two blocks later I thought I ran into the dog, and I said wait a minute this poodle is not gregarious he seems introspective. Never mind this is the wrong dog. Run along. Owning a dog in the city is like saying my need for companionship out weighs my distaste for picking up shit. I don't like shit but I am lonely. I'm gonna get a German Shepard and a shovel. I was in a department store, riding the escalator, and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. When I get to the bottom I got up and went outside. I was on the street and I saw a friend of mine all of a sudden that I haven't seen in years, a guy named Dean. We went to high school together. Last time I saw him was like five years earlier when Dean and I were doing a roofing job together on top of a forty story building. He started talking crazy that day and he goes, "I can't take it man." Then he got up on the ledge and he jumped. Just after he jumped I look down and I noticed that trampoline emporium was having a sidewalk sale that day. Dean landed right on one of the trampolines, bounced back up forty stories to where I was standing and just as he floated up he said to me, "You know I think a lot of your joke premises are contrived and hard to believe." That pissed me off. Anyway, the other night I was playing twister with some amputees. But that night I went out to dinner with a friend of mine. He's also a comedian; he does art too. He makes icons for agnostics. They just look like regular icons, except in every picture God has a look on his face like... We were eating dinner and he said to me, "If comedy doesn't work out do you have a plan B?" I said hell no! My plans are numbered. I said someday I'm gonna get an apartment right near Carnegie hall. Then it'll be really easy to give people directions to my place. Practice, practice, practice, and make a left. Anyway we had a big meal and I was so tired I went right home. And uh the next day I got a call from him and I said how ya doing and he's like, "not so good, that burrito did not agree with me." And I say was it disagreement over how much you'd be crapping. Let me guess who won...the burrito. Yeah I wanted to go out and he insisted that I shit my pants. Then I thought God, you know, sometimes life is funny.